even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
