i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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