You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
