But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
