Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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