I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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