New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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