I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
