Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
