just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
