If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
