based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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