i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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