I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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