i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
