so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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