so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
