I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
