ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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