They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
