I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
