She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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