I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
