what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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