i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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