what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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