At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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