The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
