I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
