When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize