I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
