I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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