We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
