ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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