Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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