you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
