he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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