All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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