We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
