too bad you live with your parents still
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
