we made out on top of his cat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
