He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
