My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
