Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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