I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck appropriateness.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my liver is dry heaving
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
