He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
