you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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