Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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