We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
