i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
