you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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