Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
