capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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