glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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