oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
