this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
